Senioritis
by ZSnape
Summary: This story has a lot changing in it right now so it doesn't make sense I would put off reading for a few weeks.Post DH.The war is over, but Hermione has her own wars waging. Can Draco be the cure for her senioritis or is her ailment something more siniste
1. A meeting of Heads

**A/N: Thank you CalisOwnCaliGrown for the constructive criticism it's always welcom. I'm working on improving the areas you pointed out, but it will be a while until i have the story flowing. I'm trying to work on this as much as possible, but i also need to graduate so we'll see what happens.**

The sun was shining. The birds were singing. Everything that was supposed to make a day beautiful was in place. Hermione sat with her head against the cool glass in the heads compartment, annoyed with the perfect scene she saw out her window-it was all so cliché it made her sick. The train would be leaving in about thirty minutes meaning she still had about twenty until Harry and the Weasleys arrived, and hopefully as much time if not more until her ill-fated first meeting with the head boy.

For the longest time all Hermione could remember looking forward to was assuming the position of Head Girl and now that she had it she found that she would much rather she didn't. It had happened slowly. Removing her parent's memories hadn't done it, neither had the months on the run, her anger with Ron had dissipated, and the final battle was over; she was free to live without fearing for her life. Still Hermione was unsettled; she could not pinpoint the event that had finally extinguished the light in her eyes. Deep down inside she knew just who and what were responsible, but to admit it would require her to face herself so she pawned it off on an accumulation of events that must have gradually dulled her over the past seven years.

Pulling herself out of her thoughts Hermione tried to set to work as she had always done, yet her efforts were futile. This would be her first year she would be going back to Hogwarts without her textbooks memorized. _What would the old Hermione say if she saw the girl who was occupying her body? She would be ashamed; these actions were not like her._

Draco stood at the door watching his counterpart stare off into space, wondering what could possibly cause her once vibrant eyes to appear so hollow. _What could leave the muggle born looking so haunted? Her life is perfect. Right? _Under veratiserum Draco had admitted that he only took the actions he did to save his parent's lives. He denounced the Dark Lord and thus had been granted a reprieve. Draco's marks were second only to Hermione and he had been a prefect the past two years it was only natural that he would be named Head Boy after having his name cleared. _Could it be him who had her so on edge?_

"Well Granger," sneered Malfoy, "while I know you think sitting around all day watching you daydream is a valid use of my time, I beg to differ. Pull your head out of the clouds so we can get started on our tasks and I can get away from you."

"Don't worry Malfoy; I can barely bear the thought of being in the same room with you and your incestuous blood either."

_He hadn't even mentioned blood and here the little mud blood had to dredge it up--if that's how she wants to play then fine._

"You're still the same loud mouthed, dirty blooded little chit aren't you? Even though I was cleared of all charges of my involvement with the death eaters for the past three years, does not mean I completely disagreed with the Dark Lord. You'll learn your place mudblood and you'll stay there."

"You're an ass Malfoy," said Hermione before finding the most professional tone she could muster "I have drawn up the patrol schedules for us and the prefects, I have chosen the passwords, and I have owled professor McGonagall to double check and make sure I did not forget anything."

"Yes, well…I would like to look over the schedules I'm sure you screwed them up somehow and as for passwords I could care less. You are forgetting something though Granger-"

"And what would that be Malfoy?"

"We have to have a meeting with the prefects before we reach the castle."

Hermione laughed "Yes, Malfoy we do I'm so glad you could remember that. Now I don't know if it's a muggle thing I must have picked up as a child or what, but I have this great little thing called common sense. Now wouldn't it make sense to wait until say…everyone boarded the train to begin a meeting?" She looked down at her watch then back up into his steely grey eyes, "it appears we have twenty five more minutes before we depart Malfoy and I was not planning to start the meeting until at least half an hour into the trip."

"That sounds decent Granger, but it won't be like this the whole year. You are not above me and you will not treat me like your subordinate. Question my common sense again and you won't like what happens."

"Try stepping up and actually doing something then Malfoy. You don't scare me, as I remember you were scared shitless and rescued by Harry in the room of requirement during the battle last year. You're scare factor has gone way down."

"I'd watch your back Granger," said Malfoy before he left the compartment.

_Stupid git, he still does scare me, but I can't let him know that. Why the hell is he so difficult? Why would McGonagall do this to me?_

Outside on the platform Malfoy sat thinking to himself. _This is going to be a very long year; either we'll both end up dead or very injured. I didn't think my life could get any worse, yet here it is._


	2. Just what the Doctor Ordered

It was a Tuesday night in mid-November. Hermione Granger was at her regular table in the library doing research for a potions paper. Slughorn had assigned three rolls of parchment on the use of hippogriff heart.

Her seventh year had been different, severely different compared to her last seven. Hermione and everyone else who had not completed their last year at Hogwarts had returned to do so, and after spending a year on the run, Hermione was glad to be back where she could count on a warm shower daily. Since her return though a lot of the excitement surrounding her role in the defeat of Voldemort had died away, she (unlike Ron) refused to glorify the event through such bombastic retelling.

Hermione gave a frustrated sigh as she closed one book and moved onto the next one in the endless pile that surrounded her. Harry and Ron were at Quidditch practice, so they would not doubt be up all night using Hermione and her paper for "inspiration."

"Are you alright Hermione?" asked Neville who was seated one table away.

"Yes Neville, I'm just spent. I just don't care, I can't go back to being the same old know it all Hermione that's not who I am anymore."

"Well after last year, no one could expect you to just pick up right where you left off as if nothing has happened. Maybe you need to find something to ease your mind—help you relax."

"You're right Neville," said Hermione, gathering all her books, "I probably just need to rest, it may just be senioritis." With that said, Hermione left the library and a confused Neville who was very worried as to whether this "senioritis" was contagious.

Hermione entered the Heads common room, threw her bag down and headed for the couch. Hermione lay down and was soon lost in her thoughts. She didn't hear the portrait hole slam shut, nor the footsteps of her fellow head.

"Merlin Granger, you were always a dog, but today you look especially putrid," sneered Draco Malfoy, who was starring down at the pensive Hermione.

"Oh, sod off Malfoy. I'm really not in the mood for your childish games right now," replied Hermione, rather annoyed.

Hermione made to get up, but Malfoy pushed her back down and climbed on top.

"Now really mudblood, you'll play whatever game I decide. I'm in control here."

"Let go of me, you useless ferret," yelled Hermione, who was now pinned under the weight of the Slytherin seeker. Malfoy leaned down, his lips grazing her ear, as his warm breath sent tingles all throughout the defenseless girl underneath him.

"Call me Draco and I'll consider letting you go."

"Fine, Draco, let me go!"

"No, I don't quite feel like it," said Draco placing a kiss on her neck and slowly working his way up to her mouth. "Why would I ever dream of letting the most beautiful girl in the whole school get away from me, I am a Malfoy I deserve the best and you just happen to be that." Draco's lips met hers and he kissed her slowly, and then worked his way into her mouth all the while his hands were tangled in her hair enjoying the sensation.

Draco broke away and starred down at his lover, taking pleasure at the sight of her swollen lips as his hands roamed relearning the curves he had come to know so well.

"Draco I think you might be just what the doctor ordered," said Hermione "now if only my school work could get me this excited my senioritis would be cured."

Draco just laughed and continued with their make-out session removing all thoughts of hippogriff heart from Hermione's mind.


	3. Burning Os

"Where were you last night," asked Ron "don't tell me you were actually enjoying Malfoy's wonderful company." The entire Gryffindor table broke into laughter at this remark.

"Honestly Ronald, I'd rather drink cat infused polyjuice again rather than spend an extra minute with that vile creep."

"I told Ron that," said Harry "I knew you wouldn't cut out on us like that, especially not when such an important paper was due, without a good reason."

Hermione had to withhold herself from throwing her pumpkin juice in Harry's face; she was so infuriated by this comment. Yes, Harry and Ron were her best friends, but the whole routine of her doing all the work was getting old. Seven years of carrying all three of them had worn her down something had to change. "Umm, I need to leave. I'll see you later in class," said Hermione quickly as she took off in a fashion that rather resembled the night before. A pair of grey eyes locked onto Hermione's retreating form.

"I don't know what's wrong with her this year," said Harry.

"Mmmph," was all Ron could reply through his mouth of pancakes.

* * *

Hermione returned to the Heads common room later that night and took a seat in front of the fire. Was this all her time at Hogwarts boiled down to—a lousy badge and book filled nights. Tears made a slow procession down her face as she threw roll after roll of old papers into the flames; she found a sick joy in watching as the big red Os turned to ash and disintegrated, it felt as if she were throwing her past into those flames and starting a new.

A pair of strong defined arms wrapped around her shivering body and cradled her. Draco held her, not saying a word as her tears stained his shirt. "Hermione," said Draco, tilting her head so he could stare in her eyes. "Hermione, look at me please," he was borderline pleading. She shifted her eyes to stare into his, the intensity of his gaze felt as if it would pierce her soul. "Hermione I've spent the past few months with you, and even though at first we fought, and you hexed me, and I made you cry, and-"

"Draco, you're rambling"

"Well, what I'm trying to say is over our time together I did the one thing I thought I would never do, I fell in love…I love you Hermione."

"No you don't, you don't even know me! How can you love me!" she said before running off to her room and slamming her door.

Hermione sat on her bed, numb; she didn't have any more tears to cry. The thoughts in her head were almost too much to handle, her own brain was berating her. She ruined the one safe thing she had left, the one person who had any idea who she was (because she sure as hell didn't). Did he really love her? Hermione couldn't imagine anyone loving her; she even doubted her parent's love for her: they only loved her because she's their daughter. Ignoring the banging on her door, Hermione walked over to her desk where she had a small jewelry box hidden. Inside the box there was a compact mirror, which held her only release. No one knew about this, it was the one thing that stayed the same no matter how much Hermione changed. She went back to her bed and placed a raggedy old shirt on her lap. Bringing the blade to her wrist she pressed down, just enough pressure to bleed, but not enough to reach the vein; she didn't want to die she just wanted to feel.

"Hermione! Please let me in, I meant every word I said. Please."

Hermione wiped off her wrist and placed a concealing charm on it just as she had been doing since her first time in third year. If anyone knew how to lie and scheme it was her, she had gotten this secret past her friends, professors, and parents—as far as anyone knew she was a happy go lucky overachiever. She walked over to her desk and replaced her secret, until the next time.

Opening the door Hermione found Draco seated and waiting in the common room, a look of pure torture on his face. She went and sat down next to him "I'm sorry Draco."

"Hermione-"

"No Draco, please hear me out. If anyone knows me it is you. I hardly know myself yet you seem to know me and it scares me. I think I love you too, but I'm too afraid to let myself I don't know what I'd do if you broke my heart. I want to believe you love me, but I know you don't, you just can't…look at me. You don't love me Draco, you don't!"

At this last statement Hermione was dissolved to tears for the second time that night.

"Draco took her into his arms, Hermione you need to listen to me. It doesn't matter if you love me because I love you and you can't change that. I will love enough for the both of us if I have to; I just need you in my life. I will never, ever, break your heart. I would rather kill myself first. You are the reason I wake up every morning. These are the truest words I will have ever spoken in my life. These are the realest feelings I have ever felt; sometimes I feel they might overwhelm me. I stay up all night trying to make sense of this and I can't that's how I know it's real I can't make any sense of this. I just love you with ever fiber of my being and that won't change two minutes from now or two hundred years from now."

Hermione looked up and kissed Draco. They stayed there in each other's arms all night, hardly able to process what had occurred. Hermione was terrified even as she lay in Draco's arms feeling the safest she had in years. Draco slept with a smile on his face; he had the one person he loved more than life in his arms and he wasn't planning on letting that change.


	4. Tear Filled Morning

The next morning Hermione and Draco woke with a start. Pounding came from the other side of the wall as well as shrieks from the portrait guarding the Heads dorms. "Hermione! Hermione! Open up, you weren't at breakfast and you missed potions," screamed Harry, his voice full of concern. "Malfoy wasn't in potions either," Harry continued, "Has he done something to you! If you don't answer I'll grab McGonagall, She knows your password." Harry continued with his tirade as Hermione lazily removed herself from Draco's arms, leaving them empty for the first time in hours.

Hermione opened the portrait hole allowing for Harry and Ron to barge right in. "Hermione are you ok, if you need me to I'll teach that bloody git a lesson," said Ron, completely red in the face. "Where is the ferret, I'd just like to…" Rom stopped abruptly as his eyes landed on Malfoy—feigning sleep. "What's up with Malfoy," said Ron: slightly calmer with a hint of curiosity in his voice.

"Nothing Ronald," said Hermione-turning to Harry, she found it easier to lie to him. "Harry, Malfoy and I had Head duties to attend to last night, we both fell asleep in the common room so we were not up to hear our alarms. I'm sorry to have worried you."

"Are you sure you're ok Hermione you've been acting rather strange lately?"

"I'm fine—really. Now why don't you and Ron go grab lunch and I'll see you in transfiguration."

Ron and Harry left without a fight, yet they felt dejected. What was Hermione hiding that she couldn't share with her best friends?

* * *

"Tsk, tsk, tsk Granger," said a sleepy-eyed Draco. 

Hermione grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it at Draco. "Shut up you stupid prat."

"No need to loose your gobstones Granger, I'm just surprised to hear you lie to wonder boy and weasel."

"Seriously Malfoy, I'm not in the mood for this," sighed Hermione "I had to start my day off lying to my best friends (something I never do) and I am royally screwed because not only did I miss a class without good reason, it just had to be double potions!"

"Hermione--"

"Don't even start with me Draco; this is all wrong, we're all wrong!"

Hermione went to her room and closed the door; rushing to her desk she found her safe haven, her release."

Walking over to her bed Hermione flopped down and placing the blade to her wrist felt the tug of her skin breaking. The heat of her blood as it ran down her arm onto the bed spread. She repeated this act again and again, leaving long, deep gashes all up her left arm.

* * *

He hated it when she stormed off like that and it had happened many times in the past few months. They hadn't been friends for too long, but Draco knew there was something wrong with her. Her eyes were dead. 

Getting up from the couch Draco made his way to Hermione's room. The door was bound to be locked, but maybe he could coax her out.

Draco tried the door; he wasn't really sure why he just felt he should. It swung open to reveal a sickening site.

He watched in horror for several seconds, and then burst into the room. "Stop! What do you think you're doing to yourself?" Draco swooped in and confiscated Hermione's blade.

"Give it back Draco," said Hermione in a calm cold voice.

"Why so you can kill yourself? I won't stand by and watch you do this to yourself."

"Good then don't, this is none of your business anyways…just leave Malfoy."

Draco grab Hermione's arm and murmured a healing spell as fast as he could. He calmed slightly as he saw her cuts heal, leaving barely visible new scars in a sea of old ones. Pulling the reluctant girl into the tightest embrace she'd ever experienced Draco felt a feeling he had knew very little of--He was scared.

_How did this happen? I'm in love with Hermione. What if she kills herself, I don't think I could bear it. Yea, I still act like a bastard as far as the rest of the school knows, but there's something about her. I don't know, Malfoy's aren't supposed to have hearts. I'm not supposed to be capable of love. I need to stop thinking about myself right now._

* * *

"Hermione…Hermione" 

"What is it Draco?"

"Why?"

"Why?" Hermione asked with a cruel laugh. "Do you really want to know why Draco, because this is the one chance I'll give you to back out. You can leave right now and I won't think any less of you, it would actually be one of the few good choices you'll have made as of late."

"I'm not backing out now, I've fallen in love with you and I don't think I could stop loving you if I tried. I need you in my life so I need to know this, I need to know everything."

Draco kissed Hermione's forehead and tried to stop the tears that were running down his pale cheeks into her unruly mane.

Her voice remained steely and cold as she began to let Draco in. "The summer before third year I went home to be with my parents. I was only thirteen at the time and my parents felt that I was still too young to be left unsupervised." Hemione glared at Draco daring him to laugh, but he didn't so she pressed on. "There was this kid in our neighborhood-David-he's five years older than me, my mom used to watch him sometimes so he had known me since I was really young. One night my parent's had a dinner party to go to and they asked David if he would watch me while they were out.

Well the night started off fine, more than fine we were having fun together just like we did when we were younger. We ordered a pizza, played a few board games and them we popped in a movie. We were just sitting on the couch when he…he…"

Draco held her closer as she finally allowed her tears to fall. "It's ok Hermione, I'm here. I've got you."

"He turned to me and told me we were going to play a new game. He said I would have fun and that him and all his friends played it at parties they went to. I just kind of shrugged; I was tired and didn't really care. He pulled me to him and began kissing my neck. I got really stiff and told him I didn't like the game; I asked him to stop. He told me to just shut up and enjoy it. I was so scared I couldn't even cry."

Draco could feel the anger and hate inside him pulsing through his veins. He wanted to break something, do something. Even though he wasn't there at the time he felt like he should have been able to protect Hermione.

"He slipped his hand up my skirt and ripped off my underwear, I tried to kick him away, but I couldn't he was to strong. I started crying as I felt his fingers enter me. Then I moaned, he was massaging me there and I moaned. Draco how could I like that, he's right I am nothing more than a slut."

"No! No, Hermione I never want to hear those words leave your mouth again. You are not a slut. You didn't want that and you can't control how your body responds to such things."

"I've tried to tell myself that. Trust me I've tried.

He settled himself between my legs and thrust into me. I screamed so loud. It hurt so much Draco, I felt like I was being ripped in two. He finished up with me and made me go wash up. Then he told me if I told anyone he would kill my parent's when I was away at school. I believed him and never said a word. A few months into third year I realized I was pregnant, I couldn't have his baby the thought of it was enough to almost kill me. During a Hogsmeade weekend I stayed behind and went to Madame Pomfrey. I aborted the baby." Hermione was shaking each sob wracked her body. "I don't deserve to be alive Draco, I am nothing more than a filthy mudblood. I killed an innocent baby. I killed my baby!"

Draco rocked the broken girl in his arms. He could have never imagined this to be the cause of her pain. How had she lived with this for four long years? "Hermione, listen to me. You were just barely a teenager, still basically a child. Of course you weren't ready to have a child especially one resulting from rape, what you did is understandable. You are a wonderful person, I don't understand why something like that would happen to you, but you didn't deserve it. You deserve the world. I will give you the world and more. I just never want to see you hurt again. I will never hurt you."

They sat there for a while until her sobs subsided.

"Draco."

"I don't think I can go to class today, but you should go. It will raise too much suspicion if both of us are missing all day. Will you tell the professor's I'm feeling under the weather?"

"Are you sure? I will stay with you?"

"Yes, Draco. Now go, you might still make it to McGonagall's on time."

"Ok."

Draco laid Hermione in her bed then accioed her razors.

* * *

"Dobby!" called Draco when he entered the living room. The house elf appeared immediately and began cowering when he saw who had called him. "y-yes Mr. Malfoy." 

"I need you to keep an eye on Miss Granger. Come alert me if anything is wrong and do not leave her until I return-no matter who instructs you to. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy."

"Good. Now I have to get to class."

With that Draco used his wand to dress. Then grabbed his bag and ran all the way to his Transfigurations class.


End file.
